I don't know what's happened to this week, really. As much as anything, it's just been incredibly busy, lots of errand-running and little things that have made it chaos all the time. Yesterday my son had his birthday party... we still have a bunch of 14 year olds strewn randomly around the place. And I've had a few college kids working odd jobs and so on... and I've been to Rochester every day this week, which is at least 4 days too many.
And food hasn't been great. Except yesterday when we did indulge in a slice of pizza (just one!) ordered for the party, it's nothing you can really put your finger on. Just a lot of days of eating not quite right, not quite often enough, not the right portion size, things like that. And I think it's all going to weight out to not good at all. I might be wrong, and there are still two days in the week, but I'm not optimistic. And bracing myself.
Everything I post these days seems to be stressed and dismal, but it's how I feel. Things have just been hard lately, lots of nagging things that need doing, the situation with my mother, and a persistent fight that keeps coming back up every couple of days, making us both feel bad without being able to get any kind of resolution on it. It makes all the food things hard, too. Easy though it is for me to maintain this way of eating, it's even easier for me to eat too much... and what I want right now is a kind of comfort that I can't get, that doesn't exist really... but yet that some part of me thinks can be found in food. I want to curl up with a book and... something... and shut out all the persistent negative and sad things in my head. No, it doesn't work. No, I'm not going to do it. But, yes, it seems like it would feel good. And maybe it would, until it was over and, as always, the piper has to be paid.
So we pick up and tidy up the pieces and go on. Make some tea, figure out what my student odd-job kids are going to do today, just move on with it all. And eventually it will feel better.