Friday, May 30, 2008

Friday worries

It's a bright, sunshiny cool morning here, I have some pretty medieval music on the stereo, and I'm trying to get some work done, but really I'm just tired and fretting about everything. It's really quiet this morning... Michael's gone back to bed after spending all night sleeping in the recliner because he kept getting leg cramps... which meant that he didn't sleep well, and neither did I with only my stuffed sheep for company. Mint Julep and I don't much like sleeping alone!

The leg cramps are the one thing that we forgot to ask the doctor about, which figures. They are becoming a huge issue, very painful... we've tried all sorts of combinations of things with no particular conclusion, unfortunately. I think it's mostly a hydration issue, but it takes a couple of days to really kick in, so it's hard to prove whether I'm anything like right.

My weight loss is sluggish at best, I feel like eating far too often, and I'm just worrying about that... not really worrying, I guess, but it would be nice to have the scale go down and actually stay there, instead of this up/down pattern. I really think that I'm just eating too much; I've been hungry all the time lately... or, more truthfully, maybe it's that I'm bored, and because I'm home all day (since school is out) and 5 feet from the kitchen, food just seems like a good diversion. I don't know.

And I'm so worried about my mother. She's starting this new round of chemotherapy, and she actually sounds ok, but I know she's scared. We all are. I have a terrible feeling about all of this, and the worst thing of all is that she's mostly alone there; my sister isn't there enough, and I just don't know what I can do. I'm going to try to go for a few days next week... but even that is difficult.

Ok. Stop it. This is not particularly helpful to anything (and, no, it doesn't make for an entertaining blog, either). Get back to work. Make some tea. Weed something.

What's for dinner? Hm. Chicken with chorizo? Or whatever is most in need of cooking, I think!


Roy and Hazel said...

A big hug to you Nina!
My dad was very ill recently in the intensive care unit(he's back home and on the mend now, thank goodness) and I can understand your worries and helplessness because of the distance. At the end of the day, worrying (whether you can help it or not) does not change what's happening. The chemotherapy can. And that's something to focus on and be positive about.

Go and do some some deadheading! Mutilation is what's called for, I think!

Nina said...

Thanks, Roy. I viciously deadheaded a whole lot of things. :-)

This getting older thing is really overrated, you know? Everybody getting ill, one thing after another. Best not to dwell on it, I know, but some days, it's a little hard. Just so stressful.

I hope your father gets better fast, too!