Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Blog 'til you drop. Or something.

Ok. This is not what I should be doing, partly because (1) I have work to do. Exams to grade. Study guide to write. Homework to write. All sort of other work-related crap to do. (2) The kitchen is not clean and neither is anything else in this house. (3) I'm obsessing again. But here I am. Mostly, I think, because I need to talk about this somewhere.

I just thought about this for a while this morning, and I really think that I just have to make something else happen, one way or another. Whether it's in ways that I want to do it or not. At some point, you have to put up or shut up. I'm not sure that exercise is the key, or that we're eating wrong now, or any other thing. But I have to try something else before Michael gets any more discouraged.

So today I'm trying two things. The first is food: I've eaten almost nothing but protein today, plus a little oil. Hamburgers (cold from yesterday) for breakfast, chicken breast with some dipping oil for lunch (plus half an orange pepper), boneless pork plus about 1/2 cup of brussels sprouts for dinner. And about 3/4 cup fruit and a spoonful of yogurt. Even with the fruit, that's low carb, and it's not that many calories, and the only thing is that maybe it's not enough fat. If I eat anything else today, just meat. Just for the hell of it. Just to see.

And I got up and went for a half hour walk. 27 minutes, more exactly. I did not want to do this, and all the reasons are stupid, but they're mine anyway. I hate walking, especially alone. My head just spins around, and I have too much time to think and worry and so on. It's not occupying enough. I need to work on walking meditation if I'm going to keep doing this. Anyway, I know it sounds like a small thing, but to me it wasn't, and the other thing is, it hurt. Yeah, I'm in worse shape than I really think.

We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

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