Monday, March 24, 2008

Another stupid week.

The good news: Michael is down 3 lbs for the week. The bad news: I'm up nearly 2 lbs for the week.

He was actually lower a few days ago... well, I was, too. The last couple of days we ate late, and I woke up this morning just beyond bloated, back to feeling like I couldn't close my hands, that sort of thing. So... probably my lousy weight today is just water, and it will probably go away, and so on.

But in the big picture, I'm still 3.5 lbs higher than I was two weeks ago, and I've about wiped out everything I lost in the previous two weeks, and I am beyond disheartened. I don't know how not to be discouraged about this. I don't know what to do next, what I'm not doing, what I should be doing, and I am just so tired of it all.

I could sit here and type out all my theories again and all the reasons why I shouldn't let this get me down, but I woke up from an awful dream of the past this morning, and it's all just a little much. I don't know how to stick all the pieces together today; I don't have the right glue. I'm sure this will all seem better in a while, and I'll do what I always do and put it all back together and try another stupid day, but right now, I just want to quit. But what do you do then, where do you go to quit?

I am so discouraged. Disheartened.


Roy and Hazel said...

Nina, when you want to quit, there's only one way. And that's forward. Keep going. You know its the right thing. That's why you write this blog. There's sometimes no rhyme or reason for fluctuations in weight. They just happen. It doesn't mean you are doing anyhing wrong. What I do know, is that the people who persevere, get there in the end. You are doing great. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Best wishes, Roy.

Nina said...

Thanks, Roy! It's just so hard not to be discouraged when I can't for the life of me think of what I might be doing wrong... and yet the scale doesn't move in a meaningful way for months and months. But you are right. There's nothing to do except keep at it and see what happens. All the other choices are worse, and I know that. It would just be a good moment for something a little positive though!