Saturday, July 3, 2010

Summer Saturday

I miss you, too, lovely anon person. It means a lot that you're thinking of me.

I keep trying to write, but I don't know what to say these days. I don't know where to start, don't know how to focus. So much has happened over the last few years, over the last few months, over the last few weeks... and yet it's all the same as when I started, in a way. I don't know where to start. And really, I think what I need to do is just start over.

When I started this blog, Michael and I had just started on low carb. And in the two plus years since then... well, he lost a lot of weight, I gained a little weight, my mother died, Michael came close to dying, and in the process, he finally got accurately diagnosed with what was really wrong, hereditary coproporphyria. Making him genuinely rare, explaining a hell of a lot of his life story, and, ironically, making him one of the very, very few people in the entire world who really can't eat a low carb diet. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Or put your head through a wall, I guess.

And so since then... we've been trying to adjust. And it has not been easy. There's a lot more to it, and I'll write about it eventually, but the very short version is that he's gained a lot of weight and continues to gain weight, and is, I think, usually having low-grade porphyria symptoms of one kind or another. But not the scary stuff; that's the good part. So he's better, really better... but at the same time, we have to find a way of stopping the escalating weight. We're trying to get a referral to the Mayo Clinic; they have a porphyria clinic, and maybe they can help us. It's hard to know what to do. I've never felt quite so much at a loss about what to do.

Then there's me. The carb-fest that's resulted from Michael needing to eat a high carb diet has not been good for me. It is much more difficult for me to skip this stuff when it's around all the time. Yes, I've gained, and I feel like hell, and I'm not getting any exercise... and all these things aside, it's just been a really, really rough spring. I've been sick and exhausted, and I feel like all the stress of the last couple of years has all sort of exploded... everything I just sat on while I had to be the strong person who coped. And it's taken a long time to get anything like equilibrium back. I feel like I'm just starting to edge there.

So... I don't know where to go. I don't want to spend this blog whining about how crappy everything is... especially because it's not quite so much, these days. But somewhere this stuff needs to be said, and it can't be at home, most of the time, for so many reasons. I'm going to try to be back here.

And on the weight front... I'm trying for compromise. Trying to keep the mostly low-carb, which makes me feel better. But back to food diary, to writing everything down again. It's good for Michael. And it's ok for me, although when I gave up charting food years ago, it made me REALLY happy. It was much easier for me to not be so obsessive about food. But it's what we have to do to try to get back on some kind of track.

We'll see what happens.

1 comment:

Dr Eric Berg said...

good luck in reaching your goal in losing weight...