Resolution Days, Day 2, Food

"2. Focus on thinking about what and why I'm eating."

This is the other hard one. I am not losing weight. I don't keep a food diary these days, so it's hard for me to know exactly what I'm eating from a calorie point of view, but I stay very low carb, and it doesn't seem to me that I'm eating a lot. So, why don't I lose weight?

I've been spending a lot of time over the last weekend watching fat shows. You know, it's the beginning of the year when everyone is stoked on the idea of losing weight, so every channel runs all the weight programs it can find (and, I suspect, gyms top out on members who will be there for a month and never appear again). Anyway, Discovery Heath has been running all its morbid obesity programming.... something I find a combination of bizarrely fascinating, inspiring, and depressing as hell. Michael and I have been there with a lot of the indignities that come with super obesity, and it is not a good or kind thing, but that's a whole different topic. My real point is that it is staggering how many really fat people say, "but I don't eat that much!" And then you see what they do eat, and you think, wow, you are kidding yourself. And, paragon of virtue though I am, at some point I have to say, maybe that's exactly what I'm doing.

The low carb way of life has been a great blessing for me... I feel better, I look better, I don't really gain weight... but at the end of the day, you still have to create enough of a calorie deficit to lose weight, and either there is something physically wrong with me, or I'm just not doing that.

Also, bad habit creep is coming back. Nibbling on things because they're in your hand. Licking the spoon. Eating the leftovers rather than putting them away (or making the dog happy!). And eating at night. Yes, I do get hungry at night. But I would probably survive just fine without that extra piece of cheese, wouldn't I?

So... what am I going to do about this. 1.5 things... the 0.5 is because I am not exactly sure that I'm committed to the first thing. The first thing is start keeping a food diary again. I have very mixed feeling about this because I tend to get a little compulsive about this, and stopping doing it was incredibly freeing. But maybe I need to do it again. Possibly with a camera. The second thing is, I've sent for the Judith Beck behavioral books that I've seen recommended a lot lately. And I'm going to have a shot at really working on some of the cognitive things.

I quit smoking years ago, and I mostly did it by learning to think of myself as "not a smoker." I think that same kind of cognitive trick might help a lot here. We'll see. I'll report back.