This is my particular soapbox, and I've said this before, I'm sure... but I think that "I can't" almost always means, "I am not willing to do this thing." In case I'm sounding either unsympathetic or preachy or self-righteous, I should say that there are a thousand choices that I've made that have had this aspect to them. I'm not any better about this than anyone else, and this applies to work things and relationship things and food things. I have spend most of my life not losing weight because I, on some level, chose not to. Because I was not willing to do it... not willing if it meant that I had to give up certain things that I didn't want to give up (like eating for comfort or entertainment or whatever). On some level, the costs exceeded the benefits, at least in the short run. And in a weird kind of way, I think I'm at peace with that. What I have a hard time with is the notion of powerlessness. There are things in my life, mostly relating to other people, over which I have no power. But I do have power over my own choices. I can choose not to eat. I can choose to eat. Sometimes these choices will be incredibly difficult, but at the end of the day, for everyone, they are choices. No one is stuffing the food into your mouth. And if you let it be, that thought is pretty empowering.
It's a whole big future over which you have some control. You get to choose. And if it's your choice, it's the right choice for you, whatever it is.
Caveat: there are situations in which we make choices that are not fully informed, and that's one case where people should step in and say, have you thought about
2 comments:
Nina,
I totally agree. We makes choices and should stand by them. Sometimes rationale facts are convincing enough to override our emotional responses. But sometimes not. I know that I drink too much at times. But for some reason I'm not ready to change. I know the facts. I'm not in the dark. I know what's good for me. I know how I can improve. I just don't choose to do the right thing. Sometimes. I don't really know why this is. But I can't really complain, can I? I'm not perfect. Is anyone? But I can accept responsibility for my actions or non-actions.
That's just exactly what I mean. Making the right choice every time doesn't matter, but taking responsibility for our choices... and seeing that there IS a choice... is what does.
I'm having one of those days where everything I write seems kind of self-righeous and dumb to me, but... well, I can never understand why some people seem to find it easier to push the responsibility onto someone else or life or whatever rather than seeing that they have input. If you have input into the choice, then you have power. It's the things that you truly have no power at all over that really suck.
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