I hab a code

Woke up this morning to nasal congestion, sore throat, and a kid who missed the bus. AND I have people coming over for dinner tonight. Bleah. Maybe we can just eat them. That would be low carb, right?

So this is Friday of my first week back on hard core low carb, and I'm doing... ok, I guess. I don't know why everyone else in the world gets this whoosh thing and loses something... I am down 1.3 lbs. That's it. But I feel better, and I'm moving more easily. I just need to get through the double challenge of people for dinner and being sick without hitting the bread or something.

I haven't had a chance to really tell the whole long story, but at the moment, the other part of the challenge is eating low carb while living with someone who must eat a high carb diet. So far, this is going ok, because I'm pretty motivated (aka DESPERATE), but I succumbed to tasting the pasta yesterday, and that's not a place we want to go....

Bleah

Yesterday, ate less than 1500 calories. Weight: up that 2/10 of a pound that I was down yesterday.

I know I'm retaining water like mad for some reason; I'm just beyond bloated, and so tomorrow when I can be home all day, I'll probably take a diuretic and see if that helps any (not today! No fun teaching classes and running to the loo all the time, no way!). But I just have to wonder what in hell is going on with my metabolism.

For the last however-many years, it's been really hard for me to lose weight, no matter what I did. In a way, I didn't care so much, because I was more worried about other things, and I was at a weight that was not exactly uncomfortable for me. But now... I'm way above that weight, and Michael's relative health is giving me a chance to focus a little on me. And whatever's going on with my hip is making it mandatory. So this issue is becoming critical.

Trying to Get Back in the Swing...

I'm going to write the long update one of these mornings... one of these mornings when I'm not teaching, and I'm not half asleep... in the meantime, I'm just trying to get back in the habit of writing something.

So, the weight front... NOT GOOD. The consequence of having spent most of the fall and early winter with Michael in the hospital was a chain of bad, and to some extent, comfort eating. I find myself at a horrifying 311, about 30 lbs. higher than when last I blogged regularly. I have a pretty good idea how I got here, but I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get back, because my body is being incredibly stubborn about wanting to release weight.

But we try. My short-term plan: get back in the habit of writing down everything I eat. No, I'm not going to bore you with this, and I'm not going to get obsessive about it. But yesterday, I ate less than 1500 calories and very few carbs, just salad and green bean carbs.... weight today, down 2/10 of a pound. This is a tad discouraging, but we'll just have to see what happens. Start again, hang in there, try not to get discouraged. Get back to this as a way of life.

It's Been A Long, Long Time...

I'm back. Hopefully to stay.

There's been so much to say and update and everything else that it's kept me from writing anything lately... just too much; I don't know where to start. So I'm just starting, and I'll tell the stories later.

Michael is ok, and I'm starting to believe that he's going to be fine. And I'll tell that long story later, because I just want to get going.

And I'm ok, all things considered, but I've gained a fair amount of weight over the last six months, and I absolutely have to get it off, because my hip is incredibly painful, and overall I feel terrible.

So I start again. This moment, now, because all I've been doing is saying, "tomorrow I will do this, and tomorrow it will be like this." And so forth. And then tomorrow is always the same. So it's not tomorrow; it's now. Yesterday, today... every moment is about making choices that lead somewhere different. The one thing that it isn't about is tomorrow, because the future, in some sense, never happens. It's all about the choice of the moment.